Wednesday, September 30, 2015

BELL's PALSY: DAY 5 - 6 : The happy heart...


The past 6 days have been surreal! I have really battled to come to terms with the cold, lifeless mask which constitutes the left hand side of my face.  I've had difficulty eating, drinking, speaking and sleeping (with an eye that refuses to shut on its own, and dries out at the most inconvenient of times). Literally - nothing moves on that side of my face! While the right side of my face struggles to retain its known expressions (and make up for its unwilling partner), the result is a distortion that can be frightening to people who see me. It can be funny too, but that's another story.

This is my new normal.

The easiest way to cope with the disability that comes with an attack of Bell's palsy, in my opinion, is to take stock of one's reality. It's time to accept a 'New Normal'. In a flash, everything changes. Now comes the hard work of adapting to life around it..

No longer does my face reflect the kaleidoscope of emotions that I feel.  Behind its steely facade hides the compassion, love, encouragement, peace and joy of my Lord which I seek to convey to people that cross my path. My desire is always to be a light (admittedly a little one) for the good news which is Jesus Christ. But my face no longer reflects my contagious smile, my knowing glances, my surprised moments. Joy, fear, love, hope, peace, fear are all  wrapped up in my face's icy clutches - locked away, gathering dust.

Despite the imprisonment of my own smile, my domestic worker smiled and said to me today,

"You look happier. You must be feeling better."

It got me thinking. What has changed for her to see that in my face? What does she see?

Well, its simple - my heart is happier! I'm more at peace with what has happened - more in control, more focused on the fact that this is all part of God's plan for my life. We know that 'all things work for the good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Solomon's proverb has also held true over all this time:

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful...."
(Proverbs 15:13)

I think it's time for us all to take stock of our hearts, don't you?
 


Sending lots of love to you, my special cyber-friends.
Caryl

---xXx---

I would like to convey my sincere thanks to all my friends for your wonderful messages of love and support over the past few days. Your kindness - reflected in so many ways - assures me that God's family is alive and well.  God bless you all!

Monday, September 28, 2015

DIAGNOSIS: BELL's PALSY: Day 1-4

In a moment one’s whole world can be turned upside down. I’ve always known this fact, but never fully realised it until last Friday morning.

I’d just climbed out of the shower and was busy drying myself off when I noticed that my face felt oddly un-synchronised. There was a tingling in my cheek and my eyes weren’t working properly. I leaned over and peered into the mirror above the dressing table. I tried to blink but something was amiss. My smile too had become distorted.  My pulse started to rise as fear took over
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Perhaps it will go away, I thought.  But it didn’t. The symptoms were becoming more pronounced by the minute and I started to get very scared indeed.  Should I wake my sleep-deprived-vet-student-daughter? Was my condition severe enough to ask her to take me to the hospital? Was I in the early stages of suffering a stroke?  I paced down the passage, testing various facial expressions. Was this my imagination?  I paced more and then past her room.  She opened her eyes, lifted herself off the bed  and looked at me.

“Are you ok, Mom?”

 “I don’t think so,” I said and burst into tears.
------x X x-----

The biggest thing about an attack of Bell’s palsy is the fear. As the victim, one has no idea what is happening. The symptoms are very much like a stroke?  There are more questions than answers. How bad will it be? Am I dying? Is this the life-event that I’ve always dreaded? Life stops in that moment...

Once I was at the emergency room and the ECG, blood tests and MRI were completed, and the diagnoses confirmed, I could relax a little. At that point, I simply felt gratitude: that I wasn’t dying; that my daughter was around to help me in this moment; that I had received prompt and professional care; that there is hope for a full recovery. But the attack has left devastation in its wake.  The whole of my left side of my face is paralysed.

It may take a while to recover and I also have to get accustomed to my new look – a totally lopsided face with no feeling on the left hand side; an eye that refuses to shut without manual manipulation; impeded vocal ability; a nostril that feels thick and an altered way of drinking and eating. I have to use a straw to drink and I have to be very careful not to spill the more solid food items in my attempt to get them in my mouth. I am not very “pretty” to look at either, and I feel nervous of people’s reactions of horror. I feel constantly thirsty – probably from the medication: anti-virals and cortisone tablets.  But I have my first physio appointment this afternoon. Hopefully this will be the start of a full recovery.

“Dr Google”  reassures me that most patients obtain full recovery – the majority over a couple of months. And then there is also my faith – what does God require of me now?

It’s day 4 today and I feel a lot more upbeat.  I’ve had so many beautiful messages of support, and there are many people praying for me. I feel humbled and grateful to be part of such a large family of Christ. The bible verse which keeps me constantly uplifted is the one at the top of this post.  God has got this! 

I have to accept that there are some things in life which are out of my control. It is at these times, that God challenges me to follow him in my affliction; to accept His love and to believe in His promises and the plan He has for my life. I am in awe of my Lord – how He remained close beside me in the past few days. I feel cocooned in His loving embrace.  In response,  I pray that, in my affliction, I can represent the amazing hope that is in our risen Savior: 

Jesus Christ is Lord!

May God bless you today, dear reader. May you feel His gentle, loving Spirit, wherever you may be. With love, Caryl

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Thank you Bryanston Bible Church!

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning"
(John 1:1-2)

When I think of Old Testament times and the efforts people had to make to access Scripture and understand Scripture, I feel so deeply grateful!   In those days, the people relied totally on oral teaching and the God-inspired leaders of the day. Later, however, these teachings were painstakingly written down and preserved over the ages for us today. Through the use of today's technology, the Bible and its teachings are literally at our finger-tips.  We have no excuse for ignorance. Are we even aware of how privileged we are? Isn't it incredible that we are be able to simply pick up a Bible, or log onto the Internet and read what God has to say to us? What a privilege!


The Bible - a unique collection of 66 ancient books - is so important to us Human beings.  Whether you like it or not, it provides the answers to life that we so desperately desire.  It is through these old manuscripts that we are able to come to know the great plan of our majestic Maker – our Father God, His incredible Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  We come to learn about the unique way which God has chosen to redeem us. We are His personally created creatures, He loves us and has provided a way for us to be in communion with Him.

Nowadays, with the Internet, we are able to simply do a Google search and access almost anything. There are many 'bad' things on the Internet, yet amidst this all lies some uniquely good treasures.

Last year, I had the precious privilege of joining a group of similar-minded people at a morning Bible School. With the backing of wonderful lecturers, we had the sole goal of reading through the whole Bible in one year.  I personally needed a better understanding of the foundation of my faith. It was an incredible year and yes, I did achieve this small milestone.  The experience taught me, however, that there is so much more to learn. Throughout our lives, we’ll continue to learn about the amazing workings of God,  and we continue search for more.  We’ll always have questions too…some will be answered, some will remain unanswered. 

The main message during my year at Bible School, however, is the enormous love that God has for us and the sacrifice that Jesus made for us in order to have a relationship with the Almighty. God understands our desperation and provides a way.  Bible School has allowed me to experience such joy in the Scriptures and to appreciate the absolute miracle of my salvation through Jesus Christ. I have so many people to thank, but today I need to make a special mention...

There are two main resources on the Internet which I continue to use – and for these I am extremely grateful.  The first one is BIBLE GATEWAY.  I regularly visit this site and often simply press 'play' to allow the Scriptures to wash over me. There are blogs, commentaries and various versions of the bible which only need a "click" of the button to have God's message in front of you. The bonus is that the Audios are absolutely free!  What a treasure...and I am immensely grateful.

The other incredibly valuable resource on the Internet is attached to a wonderful church that has a very special place in my heart. This is...


To go to BBC's website, please click HERE.

Both Bible Gateway and BBC have allowed me to gain a deeper insight into the Bible, to discipline me daily, to strengthen my faith and resolve to live a life that Jesus would want me to live. These resources have been there at the times when I really needed them...and I am immensely grateful!

But I need to highlight BRYANSTON BIBLE CHURCH specifically ... and I want to say a very particular and personal,  ‘Thank you!’ to those involved in this website.  I don’t think they know how valuable and helpful these resources are to me (and I am sure to many others). Thank you so much!

The wonderful thing about BBC is that I was BAPTISED there so, although I am a member of another church now, my heart often goes home to BBC. I download and listen to most of their podcasts, and am strengthened and inspired by them.  They are one of the Internet’s treasures.  I want to say a special thank you to Ross, Kevin and the video/podcast production team.  This ministry is absolutely wonderful!  THANK YOU SO MUCH! You guys are awesome, please keep up and be encouraged in the amazing work that you do for our wonderful Father.

I would like to encourage any readers of this blog to visit BBC’s website and explore the amazing resources which they offer.  Perhaps you'd like to join me in a prayer for them too:


“Father God, thank you for BBC! Thank you for their ministries and their outreach.  Thank you that I am able to access these resources, listen to them and feel Your Spirit move through them.  I am grateful for the teaching of Your Word. I know that many others may also benefit from these resources and I am grateful for the spreading of this ministry.  Lord Jesus, I pray that your Holy Spirit will invade all of BBC;  that through their pastors, YOUR WILL BE DONE!  Please guard their ministry against all evil and empower their elders, workers, helpers and congregants.  This I ask in the precious name of Jesus.  Thank you, Lord.”

Friday, November 14, 2014

True friendship...

Wishing all my friends around the world a happy weekend, in Christ Jesus.
May God bless you as you serve Him.
With love
Caryl

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Three boxes ... waiting ...

“Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures along the ground’.” (Gen 1: 26 NIV)


It’s time…

Three wooden boxes on my bookshelf…waiting… gathering dust.  The oldest is 4 years old. Inside are the ashy remains of my three beloved furry-friends – Tammy, Toffee and my beloved Maxdog .

Three boxes on my bookshelf…waiting. 

I’ve been holding onto these boxes all this time; I’ve simply not been ready to release them. It’s the last thing that remains of my beautiful, departed dogs. Up until now; my latent grief has simply been ‘boxed’ up together with these three boxes. Closure has been delayed.

But today is the day! Finally, I am ready. It’s time to release them to whence they came.

2014 has been my year to be at Bible school. It’s been a year where I felt I was been called to a period of studying God’s word.  It was an opportunity to uncover a clearer picture of what my faith was all about.  Although I have been a Christian for a long time, my soul hankered after answers.  I needed more knowledge about my faith so that I, in turn, would be able to encourage others who struggle like I do.

In January this year, when I started at Bible school, I was very aware of a statement that many of my animal-loving, blogging friends had so often repeated to me.  
  “If my dog doesn’t go to heaven, then I don’t want to go there either!”  
I had few answers and even fewer words of encouragement for these mourning friends.  I understand their pain and their deep connection between them and their beloved furry-friends.

The loss of a companion animal is devastating. The loss of my own beloved Maxdog was devastating too. It’s been four years since I said good-bye to him.  After all this time, my tears still well up when I think of him and the blessings that his presence brought into my life. There are so many memories – some happy, some sad.  We spent ten whole years together – with Max constantly by my side.  Without him in my life, I may well not have been here today.

Nowadays, I have a much better understanding of that time of my life. I am absolutely convinced that Max’s presence in my life was directly ordained by the God, Father and Creator of the Universe.  The word of God tells me that He has always known me –  that He “knitted me together in my mother’s womb”(Ps 139:13). He has always known my deeper emotional needs too. And he knew, just when Maxdog was needed in my life.  I believe strongly that Max was sent to me – a buffer against the world and the difficulties I was having at the time.  He was a gift from God at a time I needed it most.

So now …three boxes remain… and it’s time to let them go.

For me, scattering these ashes in my garden is symbolic of my trust in God  -  for Him to receive the spirit of my three beloved companions. It’s clear that these animals never really belonged to me in the first place – I was simply their ‘steward’ during their lifetime here on earth.  They were my helpers. But they belonged to God and to God they must return.  Scattering their ashes is my gesture of “thanks” and acknowledgement to God.  I am eternally grateful for the role these animals played in my life.  I know now that I no longer need to rely on their memories, but instead I can turn to Jesus – who understands and faithfully loves, cares and protects me. (from myself)

At last, here are the words of encouragement, I have longed to share...

I have learned during my Bible studies that God cares deeply for the animals of this earth. He gave them to us – to name and to use for our purposes on earth.

 “Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.  He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.” (Gen2:19 NIV).

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (Gen 1:31 NIV)

God’s covenant (after Noah), I believe, also extends to the animals. And this is why I say this: scripture tells us:  

"Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:  'I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.  I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.' " (Gen 9: 8-13)

“I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all the living creatures of every kind on the earth.” (Gen 9:15-16)

So now it's time...and I've scattered their ashes in my garden.

Fly free, sweet Tammy…
Fly free, sweet Toffee…
Fly free, sweet Maxdog…




"Thank you Father, for the blessings these beautiful animals brought to me.  I release them to you now in love and trust.  You are an amazing Creator and an amazing God!"

"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done.  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."
(Revelation 22:12-13)

Friday, November 7, 2014

Great is His faithfulness.

Dear friends
Here is a little verse - just to encourage you in whatever you are facing.


With love, in Christ
Caryl

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Do we really need to be fearful?



Can you remember a time when you were very, very afraid? 
What happened?

This is the question that I asked my husband some years ago.  The imagery of his answer has remained with me ever since:

He was small: three or four years old.  It was the middle of the night. He remembers clearly sitting on his mother’s lap, with her arms around him…Her presence and quiet reassurance allowed his fear to eventually dissipate.  His trust in her was absolute.

This picture of a child sitting in its mother’s lap is something I can relate – especially if I visualise myself sitting on God’s lap with my own fears.

“There is no fear in love.  But love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1John 4:18)

In 2006, at the lowest point of my journey with depression, I remember fearing life itself… In my darkest hour, I reasoned that death would be an easier choice. My God, faithfully, brought me through that dark time of my life – something I will always be so thankful for.

Jesus identifies with this kind of fear. He also had His darkest hour – in the garden of Gethsemane – just before facing his horrifying crucifixion.  It was during this moment, that He resorted to prayer:

“Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little further, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.’” (Matt 26:38.39 NIV)

Having studied the bible this year, I have come across numerous passages which deal with fear. Yes, a healthy fear of our God is very wise (Job 28:28); but this kind of fear is a respecting, reverent fear of God. It’s describes the time that we stop and consider, in awe, God’s immense majesty and power. This is, indeed, the beginning of wisdom – when we know that everything – even our fears -  is under His control.

In contrast, however, I am talking about the kind of fear which is crippling and which hinders our lives. What are we afraid of? Is it the unknown? Is it because we are scared of being harmed in some way? Are we scared of what others think?  Or is it financial fear? Abandonment? Physical threat? Illness? Politics? For our faith?  All these fears stem from past experiences we have had in our lives. Dwelling on these experience have fueled them
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It reasons therefore, that the more we experience Christ in our lives, the less fearful we will be. If we focus on Christ and pretend that we are sitting in His lap, sharing our fears with Him and focus on the LOVE and protection which He offers us, then surely our fears will dissipate?

 “Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward.” (Gen 15:1)  It’s not fear that God promises us, but great REWARD!


 “...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:6-8 )  (English Standard Version Anglicised)

---xXx---

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you that we can come to you with our fears.
Please help us and grant us the strength to face those things that we fear.
You are our shield, Lord.
We love you.
Amen

---xXx---

Have a happy day, dear friends...and celebrate this life that God has given us
in Christ.
With love